Rough

It has been a rough couple of months. I know I haven't shared all of this on here before, because I just wasn't ready. Well, now I feel like I am. I am getting stronger.

In March, my dad was taken to the hospital with pneomnia. When he was released he was moved to a nursing home. My dad was diagnosed with Muscular Dystrophy when I was in high school and over the years, we could see him slowly deteriorating. When he was in the nursing home, they did physical therapy and he seemed to be getting better. The day before he was set to come home, they rushed him to the hospital, he died the next day.

I can't even explain how this affected me. I always knew my dad was sick and the month he was in the nursing home was one of the most stressful in my life. I visited every weekend, he knew I was there. I told him I loved him. He hugged me.

It is weird to me that he is gone. I am trying to deal through the grief that this has brought me.

On June 1st, I went to lunch with my SO and my friend. SO asked me if my mom had called me. Some how at work he got a weird message through the grapevine that my mom was trying to reach him. Weird. I called my parent's house and my sister blurted out "heather, mom has pancreatic cancer and she is at the oncologist right now."

I had talked to my mom the previous evening as I know she had gone to the doctor. She didn't tell me anything, I could tell she was holding something back, but I decided not to press. We had been through a lot already. However, this news crushed me. The first thing I thought was "life is not fair." If you haven't learned this lesson by now I hope that you get to learn it in a different way.

Pancreatic cancer took my grandma 3 years ago, 3 months after she was diagnosed. My mom had been going to the doctor because she hadn't been feeling well, they mostly chalked it up to stress and then grief for my father. Unfortunately, it is much more serious.

Since June 1st, my life has been so different. I take it day by day. Some days seem pretty normal, I do live 3 hours away. But other days I just want to pack up and move back home to be with her every minute. I have crying days and happy days.

I am still dealing with the loss of my dad, but in some ways I am mourning my mom.

She started chemotherapy on Thursday. She will go through 7 weeks and then they reevaluate. Her cancer has been found in both her stomach and pancrease and has grown a bit in the month since diagnosis.

I just felt like I needed to right this post, not for sympathy, but to put it in writing and process my feelings a bit. I even did it without crying, which is a big feat since I cry most days about something. This week I am trying to stay positive.

Eventhough life has dealt me cards I don't necessarily like, there is not much I can do to change them. I can just keep going day by day.

Porkchops and Fruit

I am really getting into this clean eating business, and why not when you can eat stuff like this?

I know this picture is really orange, but that is what happens with an orangey meal. This was so simple to put together and was perfect as peaches seem to be in season right now.

Balsamic-Marinated Pork Chops and Grilled Peaches
Clean Eating Magazine
1/3 c balsamic vinegar
1/3 c extra virgin olive oil
3 T. honey
1 T. fresh rosemary, chopped (I used dried)
4 5-oz. boneless pork chopped, trimmed of visible fat
Olive oil cooking spray
sea salt and fresh ground black pepper to taste
4 peaches halved and pitted
fresh thyme leaves for garnish...I skipped

In a small bowl, whisk together vinegar, oil, honey and rosemary. Reserve 2 T and add the rest to a 1-gallon zip top bag. Add pork to bad and refrigerate for 1 hour, turning occasionally.

Preheat grill and coat with cooking spray. I heated grill to medium high. Remove pork from fridge, discard marinating liquid and season pork with salt and pepper. Grill until meat reaches 160 degrees or juices are opaque, about 5-6 minutes per side.

Meanwhile cook peaches on grill until tender and juicy, 3-5 minutes. Transfer to a plate, season with better and brush with reserved marinade (I just drizzled). Serving size 1 pork chop and 2 peach halves.

Calories 310
Fat 10
Protein 31
Carbs 23
Fiber 1

Scones for my Mom

I just thought these little guys were so cute and tasty! I made these for mothers day this year for my family. Very simple to put together since they are an Archer Farms Vanilla Scone mix. How easy is that?
I served them with a yummy hashbrown casserole. Definitely check out mixes like this one that can be picked up at almost any store.
I do recommend looking at the ingredients and making sure that you are staying away from HFCS, transfasts and anything partially hydrogenated....they are just bad news. Do yourself and and your health a favor and stay away from those ingredients.

Using seasonal items

I mentioned in my Farmer's Market post that I would post a rhubarb recipe and here it is. the funny thing about the rhubarb is I have never had anything with rhubarb in it before. Now, however, I am stock piling it in the freezer to be able to make these goodies all the time.

One of my friends, after eating these bars, looked at me and said "you could seriously sell these." That made me smile. I often times wish I could open a bakery. I guess we all have our dreams.

I found this recipe at my friend Joe's site. His site is always one of the first places I head to when looking for something new. I did gather quite a few recipes from different blogs to use up the rest of my rhubarb.

Strawberry-Rhubarb Oatmeal Bars (Adapted from Land O Lakes)
For the filling
1 1/2 cups 1" chopped fresh rhubarb
1 1/2 cups sliced fresh strawberries
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 tablespoons cornstarch

For the crust

1 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup whole wheat pastry flour
1 1/2 cups rolled oats
1 cup firmly packed brown sugar
12 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt

For the drizzle

3/4 cup confectioners' sugar
1 to 2 tablespoons milk

To make the filling

In a medium saucepan, stir together rhubarb, strawberries and lemon juice. Place over medium heat - cover and cook, stirring occasionally, until fruit is tender, about 8-12 minutes.

In a small bowl, whisk together sugar and cornstarch. Stir into fruit mixture. Continue cooking, stirring constantly, until mixture comes to a boil. Continue boiling until thickened, about 1 minute. Remove from heat and set aside.

To make the crust

Preheat oven to 350

In a large mixing bowl, combine flours, oats, brown sugar, butter, baking soda and salt. Mix at low speed until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Set aside 1 1/2 cups of this crumb mixture. Scoop the remaining crumb mixture into the bottom of a 9" x 13" baking dish lightly coated with nonstick spray. Evenly spread filling over crust. Scatter the reserved crumb mixture over the top.

Bake until golden brown, about 30 to 35 minutes. Remove and set on a wire rack to cool completely.

To make the drizzle

In a small bowl, whisk confectioners' sugar and enough of the milk until it flows easily. Drizzle the mixture over the cooled bars before cutting.

Kids and Cookies

There is just one thing I love more than cookies and it is these kids! These are my 2 favorite kid chefs in the world. Back in March, I visited them and we made and ate cookies together. As you can see they thought the cookies were pretty good.
They come from a book I gave their mom. To be honest I don't know the name of the cookies, something like Cinnamon Nut. I think we might have put in the optional raisins, but it has been so long ago. I know we all like them. I think these would have been awesome cookies for ice cream sandwiches, but maybe I just have ice cream on the brain now that it is getting hot.

Oh how I love me some cookies

The description says "peanut butter cookies. Oatmeal cookies. Chocolate chip cookies. Put 'em all together ans what do you have? This chewy, peanutty, chocolate chip-laden cookie, made with two kinds of oats; rolled and ground."

What I have to say is um WOW! I decided this afternoon that I have been eating so well this week that I needed a little splurge and I wanted a cookie. There is something about cookies that makes me happy. These definitely make me happy. :)

Nutty for Oats Cookies
Kind Arthur Flour Whole Grain Baking
2/3 c smooth peanut butter
4 T unsalted butter
3/4 c packed light or dark brown sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp. baking soda
2 large eggs
1 c old fashioned rolled oats, ground for 30 seconds in a food processor
1 1/2 c old fashioned rolled oats
2 c chocolate chips

Preheat the oven to 350. Lightly grease 2 baking sheets or line with parchment paper.
Cream the peanut butter, butter, sugar, vanilla, salt and baking soda in a medium bowl. Bea in the eggs, scraping the bowl once they're incorporated, then the ground oats, old-fashioned oats and chocolate chips. Drop the dough by T onto the prepared baking sheets.

Bake the cookies, reversing the pans midway through (top to bottom, bottom to top) until they're barely set and just beginning to brown around the edges, 11-13 minutes. Remove the cookies from the oven and let them cool completely on the pans.

Makes 38 cookies
Cal: 131
Fat:7
Protein: 5
Carbs: 5
fiber: 1

All about Cookies

Life just doesn't seem right without homemade cookies at my house. Many times I feel like I can't do anything right or there is nothing right in the world, so I bake something. I love to make them as they make me feel like I can do something right when the dough and the actual baked cookie tastes so wonderful. My favorite thing to bake is cookies, because they last longer than other baked goods, however, I can make cakes and other baked good, I just seem to love cookies more.

I found this recipe in a magazine in a special advertising section, and I am a sucker for a good cookie recipe. This one also sparked my interest because it had the nutritional information, which I love to see.

Oatmeal Jewels
6 T Kerrygold Salter butter ~I just used regular salted butter
6.75 oz all purpose flour (about 1 1/2 cups)
2 c old fashioned rolled oats
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
2/3 c packed brown sugar
1/3 c granulated sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1 large egg
1 large egg white
1/2 c chopped sweetened dried cranberries
1/2 c chopped dried sweet cherries
1/2 c dark chocolate baking chips

Preheat oven to 375. Melt butter in a small saucepan over medium heat; cook 5 minutes or until lightly browned, stirring occasionaly. Cool slightly.
Weigh or lightly spoon flour into dry measuiring cups; level with a knife. Combine flour, oats, soda, cinnamon and salt in a medium bowl; stir well with a whisk. Place browned butter and sugars in a bowl; beat with a mixer at medium speed until well blended. Add vanilla egg and egg white; beat well. Add oats mixutre; stir well to combine. Stir in cranberries, cherries and baking chips.
Drop dough by T 2 inches apart on baking sheets lined with parchment papter. Bake at 375 for 12 minute or until lightly borwned. Cool on pans 5 minutes. Remove from pans; cool on wire racks.

Yeild: 3 dozen
Calories: 103
Fat: 3.1
Protein 1.7
Carb:17.5
Fiber 1.1